A Day In The Life Of Chaotzu
by angel out of time
Summary: Ever wonder what Chaotzu does with his free time? no? I don't blame you, look what happened when i dared to imagine the insane world of chaotzu (and no, there isn't any yaio)


A DAY IN THE LIFE OF CHAOTZU

A DAY IN THE LIFE OF CHAOTZU

Ever wonder how Chaotzu lives? No? Well I can't blame you just look what happened when I did…

Chaotzu and Tien where out taking a walk on the steep, snowy mountains among which they lived. Tien had stopped to admire a particularly breathtaking scene, a sunset in all shades of fiery reds and oranges casting it's magnificent colors over the blanketed snow of the mountains and valleys below. Chaotzu however had something else on his mind.

"Isn't it beautiful Chaotzu?" Tien marveled

"I suppose," said Chaotzu with a sigh, Tien turned to see his friend looking depressed

"What's wrong Chaotzu?"

"Why do we live like this Tien?" he asked, Tien blinked with all three eyes

"What do you mean Chaotzu?"

"Why do we choose to live up here in the mountains? It sucks, it's real cold all the time, there's no one else up here and no one ever comes to visit! They all think we're nuts! Look at me; I swear all this cold weather is the reason why I never grew! I used all my energy trying to stay warm, there was none left for growing!"

Tien was taken a back

"What's gotten into you Chaotzu? You love the mountains, the solitude is good for our training, it keeps us focused on becoming stronger, instead of on material concerns…"

"Shut up!!" screeched Chaotzu, Tien fell over with surprise "focus eh? How can I focus when I can feel my fingers, my toes and Kami only knows what else freezing off while you use me for target practice!!"

Tien got up and brushed the snow off his clothes

"Are you listening to me Tien?" Chaotzu screamed

"Hm? Oh yes of course Chaotzu! I take you very seriously" he stifled a giggle as he looked down at his best friend, a small clown doll with a bobble hat "very!" he reiterated

"Good, because I've had enough Tien… you here me? I'm leaving!" and with that Chaotzu flew away over the mountains in the direction of west capitol city.

Tien massaged his temples, trying to relieve his stress

"Why do we go through this every day?" he asked himself "he's been so difficult since he hit puberty"

With a sigh, Tien walked slowly back to their small hut, thinking about what trouble his friend might get himself into this time.

Meanwhile, Chaotzu was flying through the freezing air, planning what he'd do when he reached the city.

"I could go live with Bulma! She wouldn't mind, her house is so big she might not even notice!" he smiled to himself and looked toward the horizon, waiting to see the yellow dome of the briefs family mansion appear there.

Half an hour later Chaotzu touched down at capsule corp. and walked into Bulma's house

"Hello? Is anyone home?" he heard the clicking sound of high healed shoes come from deep within the building, it got louder as it approached and before he knew it, Mrs. Briefs stood before him with a tray of tea and cookies.

"Hello Chaotzu dear!" she giggled "take a seat and a cookie, I'll go get Bulma ok?"

Chaotzu did as he was told and nodded politely, unable to speak due to a mouthful of cookie.

A few minutes later Bulma appeared 

"Hi Chaotzu!" she looked around confused "where's Tien?" she blinked

"He doesn't come everywhere with me you know!" Chaotzu replied sulkily

"Oh, but I thought you two were inseparable"

"Well you thought wrong," he snapped 

Bulma giggled

"Well, ok, so what brings you here? Shouldn't you be training with Tien?"

"I wondered if I could stay here for a while?" he saw the doubtful look in Bulma's eyes and added "I won't be any trouble… and… and it's for my health, the cold is stunting my growth!" he finished hopefully.

"Well… I don't mind you staying Chaotzu, it's just that Vegeta…"

"You still live with THAT jerk?"

"I have children with him Chaotzu!" Bulma was starting to get annoyed by him already

"REALLY? When did that happen?" 

"Don't you remember? I had a child with him before the androids came? And another after buu came?" 

'Even goku's not this dumb' she thought to herself as Chaotzu showed no recognition of remembering these events at all

"I suppose I've been a little out of it since I stopped fighting" he chuckled. Bulma rolled her eyes

"Any way, as I was saying…"

"Woman!" came a roar from somewhere inside the house

"Uh oh, sounds like his highness is finished training for the night, um…. hide!" Bulma whispered and quickly shoved Chaotzu into the dishwasher, knowing that was the last place vegetal would go.

Vegeta stalked into the room and looked around

"Who where you talking to?" he barked

"No one Vegeta! Not that it's any of your business!!"

"Humph!" Vegeta crossed his arms over his chest "it's my house woman" he retorted

"YOUR HOUSE?? WHY YOU BIG, DUMB, IGNORANT, UGLY MONKEY!!!!"

Vegeta ignored her as he heard a faint sound coming from inside the dishwasher

"What have you got inside that plate washing appliance woman?"

Bulma stopped fuming; a guilty look crossed her face

"Um… plates?"

Vegeta smirked and opened the door of the dishwasher to find Chaotzu running his fingers down the plates

"Bulma, these dishes are clean, I did the squeak test on them and…" he looked up to see Vegeta standing over him with a smirk

"Why if it isn't the midget man, where's the three eyed freak?"

Chaotzu got angry

"For the last time TIEN AND I ARE NOT INSEPERABLE!!"

Vegeta chuckled harshly, grabbed Chaotzu and literally kicked him through the window, like a human foot ball

Bulma sighed

"Why can't we ever have guests round without that happening Vegeta?"

"Humph" he replied

It was some minutes before Chaotzu landed in a bruised heap on the outskirts of the city. Slowly, he stood up and dusted himself off

"Stupid Vegeta" he muttered to himself and then looked around to make sure no one had heard him, he breathed a huge sigh of relief as the only living thing nearby was a small dog, which appeared to be wounded in some way. Chaotzu smiled to himself and decided to help the poor creature

'I always wanted a pet, but Tien wouldn't let me have one since I left my goldfish outside one night and its water froze' he thought bitterly, wiped away a tear and hovered over to the animal 'I think I'll call him Melvin the second, in honor of my dead goldfish, Melvin'

"Hey there boy!" he said cheerfully, but to no response from the animal, which seemed to be distracted by something off in the distance. Chaotzu pouted, "I said hey there boy!!" he said a little louder, causing the dog to whirl around to face him. It was then that Chaotzu saw that this wasn't a friendly dog, it foamed at the mouth and it's eyes glowed an unnatural yellow color. Chaotzu froze with fear

"Um… nice doggy?" he said doubtfully

Melvin the second leaped at him and snapped his jaws in response, Chaotzu fell to the floor, and in his fear forgot he could fly

"Aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaargh!!!!" he screamed in a high-pitched wail as he ran for the city, surely somebody there would help him? But when he got there the streets were empty, save for one lone tramp, who, when he saw a midget clown being chased by a dog with glowing yellow eyes, assumed he was hallucinating again, rolled over and tried to go back to sleep

Melvin followed Chaotzu in hot pursuit snapping and growling through the streets of the city for what seemed like an hour at least, until he stopped abruptly, distracted by a lamppost and Chaotzu finally found refuge on the doorstep of a charity shop.He breathed a sigh of relief as he heard Melvin howl, and then disappear into the night.

'Used as a football by Vegeta and now chased by a rabid dog, that's it, screw the city I'm going home!' and with that Chaotzu stood up and prepared to fly home as the charity shop door opened and knocked him into the street flat on his face. As Chaotzu struggled to get back on his feet, and to check that he still had all his teeth, he heard a voice behind him

"Oh, dear, looks like someone left a donation after closing time!" called an old man. He picked Chaotzu up off the floor and began to turn him upside down and shake him, "hmm, a clown doll, ugly little thing but I suppose I could sell it to a collector… hmmm"

"Hey what are you trying to do??" Chaotzu tried to say, but found he was horse from screaming and all that came out of his mouth was air, and a slight hissing sound

"Oh look it's mouth moves! But I think it's voice recording disc must be broken, or maybe he just needs new batteries, I wonder where you put the batteries on a thing like this…." He carried Chaotzu inside the shop and placed him on a sort of worktable, Chaotzu tried to struggle, but found his limbs where all either too exhausted to move, or just plain broken thanks to Vegeta and Melvin. However, fresh indignities where still to come as the store owner began to search for batteries…

Chaotzu woke up the next morning with the sun glaring in his eyes; he had fainted when the old man… violated him in search of a battery port. He looked down at himself and saw that the old man had also changed his clothes; he wore a pink frilly pinafore and matching shiny shoes. The lace itched, especially in the intense heat of the sun shining through the…

'Large display window???' thought Chaotzu as he realized that he had been placed in the shop window, he looked at his right hand and saw a little yellow sticker '$2.99!!!!' he was even more horrified to find that not only was he being sold, he was dirt cheap.

Back in the mountains, Tien had woken up and wandered into Chaotzu's room, only to find his bed was empty, and obviously hadn't been slept in

"That's odd," he said to himself "he never usually stays away this long". Tien pulled on some clothes and flew off toward the city, in search of Chaotzu. 

His first stop was Bulma's house, only to be chased of the premises by vegeta screaming

"Your midget friend isn't here so get off my property freak!"

Next, he tried the hospitals, and then the police stations but found not a trace of Chaotzu. Feeling helpless, he began to wander the streets, trying to imagine where he would go if he were only two and a half feet tall. Finally he wandered past the charity shop window where Chaotzu struggled to get free and keep his dignity as he found a large metal pole had been glued into the back of his clothes to keep him upright. He saw his friend pass and screamed at the top of his tiny lungs

"TIEN!!!"

'That's funny' thought Tien, 'I could've sworn I just heard Chaotzu's voice, I must be losing my mind already without my poor Chaotzu!" he wiped a tear from his eye, and carried on walking

"Stupid Tien" sulked Chaotzu as he decided he would just have to wait until somebody bought him before he got out…. 

It was a year before he got home, and by then Tien had moved on and found another midget friend by the name of yoda, finally Chaotzu had had enough, and went to work in Vegas, where he lived out the rest of his days.

THE END 


End file.
